I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
