we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
