i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
