I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
