the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
