shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
