just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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