Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
