I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
