oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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