doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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