Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
