Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pappa wants mamma naked
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
