I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
jump out the window naked night went bad
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
