It's Friday. Sex?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
