if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just had sex bonerless
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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