TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
