the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
