fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
