In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
