Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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