perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
