fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
