So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
