i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Randomize
