Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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