Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
