he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
