the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
