Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
