She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
