I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
