I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
