Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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