so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize