Where did you get a picture of my penis
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
