This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
