here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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