To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
