there's paper in my vomit.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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