My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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