i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
