yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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