A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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