I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
