I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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