Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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