dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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