let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
