loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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