i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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