I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
