how can u be prego again
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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