Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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