Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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