Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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