i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
