lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It was a blind-side dick pic.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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