I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize