she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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