my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
