sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
