if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
