the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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