we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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