I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
