We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
