i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
