...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
