why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
