i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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