that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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