you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
