Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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