Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
