yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
