Have you finally orgasmed yet?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
