I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
