I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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