so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
