did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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