is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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